IT STOPS WHEN WE STOP!

Pic by: http://zenagirl21.deviantart.com/art/Rape-127137051

I know that such a post as this is rather a solemn and depressing way to begin the New Year but the most important lesson I learned over the years is the ignoring a persisting problem and living our life as if it does not matter to us because it is not inextricably linked to us personally is the most deluded thing we as humans do. That is why I thought my first post of 2013 will be one on what affects me the most, though it has not touched me personally, (but then again what happens to one of us should be as if happens to all of us, so I suppose it has affected me personally as well) is this never ending violence against women. 

Violence affects the lives of millions of women worldwide, in all socio-economic classes. It cuts across cultural and religious barriers, impeding the right of women to participate fully in society. It has become the most notorious problem the world had faced from the beginning of the existence of mankind. And although it is a universal dilemma which needs to be universally condemned, the problem continues to grow. It also takes a dismaying variety of forms, from domestic abuse and rape to child marriages. While all are violations of the most fundamental human rights, the surprising truth about this is that instead of decreasing the number of such activities, it has tended to grow. Some women fall prey to violence before they are born, when expectant parents abort their unborn daughters hoping for son instead, and sometimes they are killed or buried alive after they are born due to their desire to have sons. This form of violence was seem in ancient Arabia and is still apparent in rural India. The problem of son preference is present in many other countries as well. And though daughters are not buried alive or subjected to foeticide in these countries, this petty 'son preference' has made the girl child to be subjected to such negligence and suppression that it is as if the parents are saying I have "one boy and all mistakes."

In other societies, girls are subjected to such traditional practices as circumcision, which leave them maimed and traumatized. One cannot even comprehend the pain and agony they would have to live with for the rest of their lives. In other places, they are compelled to marry in an early age, before they are physically, mentally or emotionally mature. Child marriages, whatsoever the religious or ethnic background, with or without the consent of the girl, is another form of human rights violation. A girl of just 20, with two children and enormous workload had told me, “It was the worst mistake of my life to get married when I was 16. But there were problems at home and pressures from parents and I simply had to get away.” Consenting to marriage to escape the hardship of everyday life shows the state of ignorance of the girl involved, and the social problems of the society that compel her to take such actions. And such tales are quite common everywhere.

The most common type of violence (and perhaps the most publicized) against women is rape, which is still being used as a weapon of war and form of domestic violence as well. Rape has been in the past and continues to be so today, a strategy used to subjugate and terrify entire communities of women especially during wars and it is indeed true that more women today suffers directly from the effects of rape than any other form violence. Although rape in armed conflicts has been declared a war crime, and in some circumstances could be considered as genocide, hardly anything had been done at the grass root levels to improve the conditions of those in countries like Chechnya, Sudan etc. And the problem with rape is just not that. Rape can occur everywhere; not only in war conflicts and refugee camps but also at home and family, where it takes the form of marital rape or incestual rape. It occurs in ALL communities irrespective of whatever religion or culture involved. The issue is not less common in the West although the courage of coming out about it, especially if it is taking place in a family, is more widespread than in the East. One of the major obstacles in assisting the victim in family rape is sometimes women themselves. Some daughters tell their mothers about what is happening to them and finds them accused of lying or even worse, prompting. A rather absurd thing to claim for any woman who can rationalize will understand that there need not be any prompting for a girl to get raped. How else can the rape happening in Saudi Arabia where women are covered with layers of black clothing be explained? Women therefore due to the fear of being accused as the prompter silently suffers. Here it is important for the mothers and other women involved, to accept, understand and help the victim rather than subject them to senseless humiliation.

It must be mentioned here that such violence against women occurs in developing and developed countries alike. The problem in Asia and Middle East, is that it is considered as a private matter by the those that ought to be taking an action – neighbors, friends and even the government. As a result these private incidents become public tragedies. Many kids turn to drugs and alcohol watching their mothers gets beaten around by their dads. The consequences of our own actions - to overlook as ‘just a private matter’ to shrug off our responsibility, is more dangerous than what we can ever imagine. The Delhi Gang Rape Case that took place last December is a perfect example of this kind of negligence. The fact that both the victims were persistently ignored by the passersby as they lay naked and abused on the road, just so that they (passerby) dont want to be hassled with the administrative problems and court cases, speaks a lot about the community we live in. It is important to protect the victims of such abuse by providing them with the help that they need without fear and taking action to punish perpetrators, whether it is father, brother or even mother.

Sexual harassment in the workplace is also growing concern for women. We tend to see employers abuse their authority by seeking sexual favors from their female subordinates, sometimes promising promotions or other form of advancement. As a consequence women who refuse to give in to such unwanted sexual advances often run the risk of demotion and dismissal. It also signifies a more disturbing form of sex discrimination. It reinforces and reflects the idea of non professionalism on the part of women workers who are regarded as less able to perform than their male colleagues. Nevertheless we do see a positive sign in the recent years as more women are coming forward to report such practices. Moreover many women are forced into prostitution either by their parents, husbands or boyfriend, or as a result of a socio-economic complexity they find themselves in, especially drug use. Since prostitution is illegal in many countries, it is difficult for prostitutes to come forward and ask for protection if they become victims of rape or want to escape from it. Customers, on the other hand, are rarely the object of penal laws. Once they are caught up in the system there is practically no way out, and they find themselves in a very vulnerable situation. So it becomes the role of the society and the government of course to help and encourage them to abandon the practice.

Although the many countries including Maldives have adopted a positive attitude towards educating and enlightening the society of these problems women face, it is also true that most laws have failed to protect victims and punish the guilty. Light sentences in violence against women cases send the wrong message to perpetrators and to the public at large: that female sexual victimization is inconsequential. It will be tolerated and they will get away with it. Any approach designed to battle violence must be twofold, addressing the root causes of the problem and treating its manifestations. And to do so what is most important is to change our mentality about women and challenge the way that gender roles and power relations are articulated in the society. Some societies tend to think women are inferior and there is a strong belief that men are superior to women and they own them. And what is worse is that they derive this notion from religions asserting how God has made women inferior to men. If they pick and choose verses from scriptures and other holy anecdotes, to support their claim are we to negate the same scriptures and anecdotes that claim equality and respect to women.
             Is it not there in the Quran -  "Whoever commits a sin is requited for just that, and whoever works righteousness - male or female - while believing,  will enter Paradise wherein they receive provisions without any limits." - Surat Ghafir [40:40]

"O people, we created you from the same male and female, and rendered you distinct peoples and tribes, that you may recognize one another. The best among you in the sight of GOD is the most righteous. GOD is Omniscient, Cognizant." - Surat Al Hujurat [49:13]

And has Prophet Muhammad not said: 'A person who is blessed with a daughter or daughters and makes no discrimination between them and his sons and brings them up with kindness and affection, will be as close to me in Paradise as my forefinger and middle finger are to each other.’ (Muslim II, Section  Beneficence)

Is it not there in Bible: "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." - Galatians 3: 26-28

Is it not there in Hinduism: “Where women are honored, there the Gods are pleased.  But where they are not honored, no sacred rite yields rewards.”  Manu Smriti 3.56

 If we are to pick and choose, why cant we pick and choose what calls for equality in all religions and those lines and verses that promote peace and unity rather than discrimination and ethnocentrism? 

 These are things we as individuals, have a responsibility to think about for the good of the society we live in. Although there is advancement in every sector and there is a rise of female emancipation and feminism, it is tragic that the modernization the world has seen has not changed the conservative attitude of mankind. We entered the new year with a tragic well publicized crime against one woman in Delhi, but the truth is it serves as a slap on all our faces (all of us who pride ourselves as modern, walk with our head high claiming to be educated and intelligent and all of us  who believe that we have certain unalienable rights – right, liberty and pursuit of happiness); it is a slap that indicate to us that there is a deeper more sinister social problem that has long been neglected and needs addressing immediately. In our fervor to provide justice for this one girl, we should also remember that, in the same country there is a woman who has been fasting for the last 12 years in protest, against the sexual victimization of thousands of women in Manipur and other parts of North Eastern India by the Indian Paramilitary Forces stationed there. This ‘Iron Lady of Manipur’ Irom Sharmilla, has now become the longest hunger striker in the world, but with no commendable result. Her sacrifice and protest is falling on to deaf ears for no one is bothered about the violence inflicted on these women. Is there nothing to think about in this? Where is justice for all these women? 

And all those who dismiss this with a wave of hand on the grounds ‘its not our problem’ need a reminder that this happens to ALL people. It happens to strangers and to people who we know by people we know as well. A very dejected female friend of mine told me, 'Lets just stop talking about it? It wont stop no matter what we do.' I guess I only have one thing to say: we must only stop, when people like you and me stop the violence against women. It stops when we stop thinking a particular gender is inferior so we can do whatever we want to them, or that it is our right to own them. Slavery stopped when people stopped thinking a particular race was created to serve us. It stopped when we stopped it. It is a collective responsibility. Changing people’s attitudes and mentality towards women will take a long time, but is essential if the violence against women ought to stop. That is the first step. It is vital to educate boys and men and women too to view women as valuable partners in life, in the development of our society and that of the world.